I had an incredible final month in Southeast Asia, reaffirming the fact that I have to return soon. The sensations that develop when I travel are liberating. It’s a melting pot of vulnerability and uncertainty and beauty that fuels me. Even better are the people that I have the opportunity to meet while on the move. Evidently, this made it no easier to return back to New York. I’m antsy, there’s no hiding it, but I am trying to appreciate the time that I have with my parents and the newest addition to our family before I set off again.
I have been home for about a week. Every time I think I’ve overcome the jet lag, 4 PM rolls around and I face plant into the couch only to wake up 90 minutes later, probably drooling. At any given hour I’m likely to feel drained, and this largely contributes to the array of emotions that I have experienced over the past few days. I will not deny that I have been dramatic. Continue on for a brief field trip through the chaos and some initial thoughts following my return stateside.
It’s cold outside.
My bed is amazing.
WHY do I have so many clothes? WHAT do I do with all of them?
New York pizza is a as good as I remember it. So are blueberries.
Why am I tearing up? If something rubs me the wrong way, my eyes fill with water. It’s weird and unlike me, but it keeps happening. For example, upon visiting a lab for blood work and listening to a woman complain about not getting helped at the exact hour of her appointment, I decided that all Americans are disrespectful and selfish. I hesitate to admit that I nearly cried (nearly, I kept my shit together). Basically all this translates to is that I still believe Indonesians are the friendliest folk out there and that I miss them. Not all Americans suck, just the impatient ones that I unfortunately bump into at 7 in the morning.
I miss motorbikes and coconuts and affordable produce.
Is it too soon to start planning a trip back to Indonesia?
Life is short and precious. Find what makes you happy, makes you the best you, and harness it. Don’t conform. Surround yourself with those that lift you up. Be grateful for those that love you down to your most raw form.
Patience is a virtue.
Have I given you anxiety?